Now that I hit the bottom of the bottle – of Dreft – as yummy an aroma as baby laundry detergent might be, I can honestly say I don’t see myself waking up one day and missing the smell of the stuff. This week I finished the last of 11 years of Costco-sized bottles of Dreft. That’s a cool thing about of having 5 kiddos. I will never mourn the last box of diapers. I will never sulk on a rainy day while sitting at a window seat, wondering if we should have tried for a larger family. And I won’t ever scratch my head puzzled by what to do with all the extra minutes I have cluttering up the place. That and I’m surprisingly ok with the fact the next time I buy Dreft, I will be a grandmother.
Once again, our Heavenly Father is creating something new for me and our “growing up” family. In August I’ll have a 6th grader at the middle school, 3 in elementary school, one in preschool and me – at home, not pregnant, and not in the working world. Since I became a mom, all those things have never happened simultaneously.
So what the heck? Now what? I know some of you are saying aloud to whatever screen you’re reading from, “REST you crazy person! How insane is this woman?” And I get it – really I do. I would have to guess I will have a couple friends over for a celebration that first morning to distract me from the eerie quiet. Then I’ll line up a hair appointment, a massage and a pedicure which I’m sure will all rock and refresh me. I know I’ll give thanks to God for allowing me such pleasures.
But then what?
I was telling two friends over Mother’s Day weekend that what I really want is to do more for God, perhaps serve Him on a broader scale. Maybe I could get a job in ministry? To which they both laughed out loud at me. They asked if I realized how I am already doing what I had described. I know, I know. Truly, I am SO flattered and thankful that I have the privilege of serving Him, especially in the capacity that I am so passionate about. Sometimes I can’t get past that I am a part of His mighty Kingdom, mainly because I know that apart from Jesus, I couldn’t even transport the dirty linens from such a palace.
It’s just that my love for Jesus has caused such a fire in my belly that I want it to cause a bit of a pandemic. In her book, No Other Gods Kelly Minter said she wanted people to think, “The goodness of Jesus Christ burned so brightly in her that people glorified God; she almost seemed from another world. “ I would be doing cartwheels for someone to have that thought cross their mind about me and my faith because I’d be ushering them straight to Him.
But after the laughter quieted and my friends paused to encourage me, I saw the light. We had taken the children to the community pool later that day and that’s when it came to me. I am the one wearing the swimmie diaper, frowning on the splash pad in The Lord’s Kingdom. I’m not in a full-on temper tantrum. I’m just looking on with envy. I can see the others swimming and it’s completely possible I’m unaware I can’t swim yet. Like a toddler looking on with admiration at the big kids, I can’t wait to go swim lap after lap for Him. He’s growing me in His perfect timing and it appears He is in no rush, because He knows exactly what He is doing with me. Crazy as it sounds, God might be just soaking up my childlike enthusiasm (and energy) for Him.
Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” So I’m going to hug onto my circle-shaped bright yellow floatie in my Father’s heavenly pool and wait on Him to tell me when I’m ready to make a splash in the deep end.
A few worship songs really embody my feelings at this particular intersection in my life:
“Keep Making Me” and “I Want to Live Like That” both by Sidewalk Prophets
“My Lighthouse” by Rend Collective
“Where I Belong” by Building 429
“I Am” by Crowder
“You are Everything” and “Do Something” – both by Matthew West
“Let Them See You” by the JJ Weeks Band
Check them out – they are songs of action, but more than that, they are songs of trusting in Our Sovereign, good and gracious God who has a righteous purpose, even for Little Swimmer shorties like me.
Are you admiring someone’s actions doing from afar? Are you praying for the green light from God to make a splash all your own? Dive in!